


The Secret Life of Kageyama Tobio

by eggomymcfrickinleggo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 17:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20085994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggomymcfrickinleggo/pseuds/eggomymcfrickinleggo
Summary: “Do you guys ever wonder what Kageyama-kun does outside of volleyball?” asked Shouta.Takero snorts. “Are you kidding me? The guy lives and breathes volleyball. He probably leaves after practice and goes straight to another volleyball court that he made into his own house. He sleeps on a bed of volleyballs and he sleep-plays instead of sleepwalking. He is probably even engaged to one of his favorite volleyballs.”“Guys cut it out, can we get back to warm-ups, please? He might hear us. Besides, what does it matter what he does when he isn’t playing? As long as he sets like he always does, it shouldn’t be important.”“Yeah, yeah, I know,” dismissed Shouta, “but he never talks about anything that isn’t volleyball related. Hell, even the press doesn’t have anything on him. Makes a guy wonder. ”“Ten bucks says I can find out something before you can, Aizawa.” said Takero with a smirk.





	The Secret Life of Kageyama Tobio

**Author's Note:**

> Im new to ao3's formatting so sorry if theres weird chunks of text i think i fixed most of it but if not oh well

“Do you guys ever wonder what Kageyama-kun does outside of volleyball?” asked Shouta.

Takero snorts. “Are you kidding me? The guy lives and breathes volleyball. He probably leaves after practice and goes straight to another volleyball court that he made into his own house. He sleeps on a bed of volleyballs and he sleep-plays instead of sleepwalking. He is probably even engaged to one of his favorite volleyballs.”

“Guys cut it out, can we get back to warm-ups, please? He might hear us.” Konda said. It would be wrong to say that he wasn’t interested in what the famous setter did outside of the team, but not when the guy was standing 10 feet away from them within earshot. “Besides, what does it matter what he does when he isn’t playing? As long as he sets like he always does, it shouldn’t be important.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” dismissed Shouta, “but he never talks about anything that isn’t volleyball related. Hell, even the press doesn’t have anything on him. Makes a guy wonder.”

“Ten bucks says I can find out something before you can, Shouta.” said Takero with a smirk.

Shouta grinned, “Oh, you’re so on. Let’s raise the stakes: every piece of information the other doesn’t get is worth ten dollars.”

“Why can’t you guys be normal?” sighed Konda.

~~~~

“Ok, so after extensive research, I found out that his favorite drink is milk and his favorite dish is pork curry” Shouta said proudly.

“Ha! That’s all you’ve got? His favorite food?” laughed Takero.

“What!?” Shouta squawked, “I also found out his favorite drink!”

“Literally everyone in Japan knows Kageyama loves milk, Shouta. It doesn’t count.”

“Well I don’t see you coming up with anything, Take-chan.” Shouta huffed.

Takero grinned manically, “Ok, gather ‘round children, for the master has found the holy grail of secrets.” As Shouta and Konda leaned in closer, Takero lowered his voice until it was barely above a whisper, “According to vary reliable sources, our dear Kageyama is a hot gay mess.”

Konda pulled away with a frown on his face. “It’s not funny to make up lies, Take-kun, even for a dumb bet. Besides, even if he is gay, you shouldn’t be telling everyone without asking him first. You could get Kageyama hurt if that were to spread around; you don’t know how other people will react to finding out that one of Tokyo’s top players likes men.”

“I’m not lying! And Noya-san told me about it when I asked him about Kageyama and said that he is open about it! I’m not an idiot, Konda, I wouldn’t do something stupid like that.” Takero pouted. “Besides, I haven’t told anyone besides you guys and you’re aroace and Shouta is bi.”

“Well, did you find out if he is dating anyone?” Shouta asked nonchalantly. Konda and Takero both gave him exasperated looks. “What? You guys know I’m a bi disaster and he’s hot, give me a break.”

“Yes, idiot, he is dating someone, but I don’t know who. Noya just laughed when I asked and said ‘He isn’t as obvious as I thought, then.’ Now, pay up, I won the bet.”

“What! No you didn’t! We both found information that the other didn’t know.”

“Oh, come one, we both know that my discovery was better, Shouta.”

“Alright, then, double or nothing! New bet: whoever finds out who Kageyama is dating wins.”

“Since I found out he was dating someone at all, I think we both know who is going to win, Sho-chan” Takero gloated.

“You both need a life,” groaned Konda.

~~~~

“Hey, Kageyama-kun!” Kageyama turned towards the sound of his teammate calling his name. “Wanna come with us after practice to get a drink?” grinned Shouta.

Kageyama frowned and shook his head. “Sorry, Shouta-senpai, I’m busy after practice.”

“Oya? Meeting anyone special?” Takero asked while wiggling his eyebrows. Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows, but before he could answer, his phone went off and he walked off to answer it.

Konda slapped the back of both of their heads. “You guys are being way too obvious. It’s like you’re wearing big neon signs that say “Dumbass” on them. If you are going to invade his privacy at least try to use some finesse.”

“Ow, Ko-chan. It’s not my fault Takero isn’t subtle.”

“Hey! At least I was trying to be direct—” Takero was cut off as Kageyama started yelling in the background. It only took a split second for Takero and Shouta’s eyes to lock and share a silent conversation before simultaneously sneaking closer to listen to Kageyama before Konda could stop them. As they got closer they were able to catch snippets of his conversation.

“Dumbass…don’t just…then cancel on…*sigh* yes, I get it. No, I’m not mad.”

“Ooooooo he is definitely pissed.”

“He is going to be even more pissed if you two idiots don’t come back here!” hissed Konda.

Right as they scrambled back to Konda, Kageyama rounded the corner with a dark expression on his face. “I think I’ll take you up on that drink after all.”

Before either of the troublesome-duo could respond, Konda elbowed them in the stomach, “Great, I’ll drive Kageyama-san and you two can take a cab.”

Takero glared at him before walking away and Shouta mouthed ‘traitor’ while trailing behind him.

~~~~

“Is everything alright, Kageyama-san?” Konda asked while driving. He was honestly surprised that Kageyama had agreed to come drinking with them, considering he had never seen Kageyama drink anything besides milk or water. He had a sneaking suspicion that the yelling match over the phone would not be a good influence tonight.

Kageyama glanced at Konda before going back to staring out of the window. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking that loudly. I’m fine.”

_More like screaming_ thought Konda while smiling politely. “No worries, Kageyama-san, we could barely hear you.”

After another glance towards Konda, Kageyama added quietly, “…you can drop the –san, Konda-senpai. We’re teammates.”

After turning to Kageyama in shock, Konda refocused his attention to the road and smiled, “In that case, you can just call me Konda-kun, Kageyama.” For the first time since the phone call, Kageyama dropped his frown. _Well, it looks like I’m adopting another teammate. _Someone_ has to look after this kid._

~~~~

The peace from the car did not last. As soon as they entered the bar, Takero and Shouta challenged Kageyama to a drinking contest. Defeated, Konda just sighed and went to order himself water. “Are you not joining, too, Konda-sen—Konda-kun?” asked Kageyama.

“Ko-chan doesn’t drink, Kageyama-kun. Which is great, since he is always willing to be the designated driver” Shouta said before ordering shots. Takero stared at Konda quizzically and mouthed ‘Konda-kun?’, while Konda just shrugged with a grin.

“Alright, shitholes, let’s see which one of us are real men!” Takero shouted before taking the first shot, while the other two followed.

~~~~

After two rounds, it was clear that Takero was all talk and that Shouta wasn’t that far behind. Kageyama seemed to be holding himself decently, but he kept drinking at an alarming rate. After two more rounds, Takero was asleep on Konda’s shoulder and Shouta was giggling to himself in the corner of a booth about a meme, meanwhile Kageyama seemed determined to keep drinking, even though he was almost as drunk as Shouta. “Hey, buddy, I think it’s time to cut you off,” Konda said softly. Kageyama barely acknowledged him when Konda took the alcohol away from him.

“I’m perrrfectly fine,” pouted Kageyama as he tried to reach for the glass again.

“That slurring says otherwise, man. What’s bugging you?”

Kageyama’s pout grew deeper, if that was even possible. “Shouyou canceled on me tonight because *hic* because his flight got delayed. And I know it’s not his fault, but I *hic* just miss him so much because he has been away at a camp for a week. I haven’t seen his kissable face for a week, Ko-kun. And then the night that he was supposed to come home and be kissed *hic* his shitty flight got canceled because of weather and *sniff* I just—” With horror, Konda realized that _the_ Kageyama Tobio, a man who rarely shows an emotion outside the court, was about to cry in a very public bar. Before Konda could try to do damage control, Kageyama threw himself at Konda’s shoulder and started sobbing of all things. Due to the force of Kageyama’s momentum, Takero was thrown off of Konda’s other shoulder, slamming his head onto the bar where he slept undisturbed.

_That’s what you get for leaving me alone to deal with this by myself, dumbass. Holy fuck what am I supposed to do._ “There, there, Kageyama-kun. I’m sure he will be home when you wake up in the morning,” Konda murmured while trying to rub Kageyama’s back reassuringly. Kageyama didn’t lift his head from its position, but the crying dwindled down to nothing until he was asleep on Konda’s shoulder. _Great, I changed from one dead weight to another_. After a few minutes of not knowing what to do, Konda noticed a buzzing coming from Kageyama’s pocket. Konda maneuvered him so that he would be able to answer the call, hopping it to be someone who knew where Kageyama lived. “Hello-“

“TOBIO WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!? TSUKKI AND I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK! WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN ANSWERING OUR CALLS? WE KNOW YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT SHOUYOU, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE US HANGING-“

“Um, excuse me-”

“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH KAGEYAMA? IF YOU HAVE HURT HIM IN ANY WAY, SO HELP ME-“

“I’m his teammate, Konda! He is fine! Please stop yelling you might wake him up!”

“Oh. Uh, sorry about that, Konda-san, it’s just been a very long night. Could you tell me where Kageyama is so that I can take him home? He is my b- roommate.”

_This is the weirdest fucking night of my life. _“Sure, sure, we are at the closest bar from the gym. Do you know where that is?”

“Yes. I will be there as soon as possible, thank you, Konda-san” the caller sighed with relief. Before Konda could even ask who the caller was, he hung up, leaving the name ‘Yama’ flashing on the screen. With a sigh, Konda accepted his fate as a pillow and waited for ‘Yama’ to show up.

~~~~

20 minutes later, a tall man covered in freckles walked frantically into the bar. As soon as he found Kageyama, who was still snuggled up to Konda, he walked urgently over to them. “Are you Konda-san? I am so sorry, Kageyama is a cuddler.”

“And a rambler,” smiled Konda as he helped transfer Kageyama over to ‘Yama’. “Are you sure that you will be able to take him home?”

“Yes, our boy—other roommates have been very worried about him and I will be taking him home as soon as possible.”

“Ok, that’s good. Great. Uh, actually, could you do me a favor and text me when both of you are home? I feel kind of responsible for him.”

“Sure,” the man smiled, “just give me your phone and I can type my information in and you can text me so I have yours. Thank you, again, for taking care of him, Konda-san.”

As they were walking away, Konda looked down at his phone where the name “Yamaguchi” was displayed. Sighing for the umpteenth time that day, he paid the bartender and carefully picked up Takero, shouting over his shoulder, “Shouta! If you don’t get into the car within five minutes, I’m leaving your ass!”

Shouta quickly caught up to Konda and placed an overdramatic kiss on his cheek. “Ko-chan would never do that. He is too nice.”

“You bet your ass I am. Now open the car before I drop Takero.”

~~~~

Weeks later, Konda still couldn’t figure out what had happened at the bar. _It was obvious that Yamaguchi cared about Kageyama, almost as if they were dating. But then there was also the mysterious ‘Shouyou’ who Kageyama said multiple times he wanted to kiss_. Konda shook his head, _Takero and Shouta are bad influences, I shouldn’t care. Kageyama is a good kid who is responsible for his own actions_. Feeling better, he entered the gym ready to start a productive day of practice.

“Kageyama! Your boyfriend is here!” screamed Takero.

Of course, Konda could never have a relaxing day, so he will just bang his head against the wall until he passes out from a concussion instead.

“Which one?” Kageyama asked with complete sincerity.

Alright, time to find that wall.

Everyone laughed, thinking Kageyama had just made a joke, but his eyebrows just wrinkled in confusion when no one answered him.

“It’s a reporter. Told him you wouldn’t talk to him, but he insisted that he wanted to talk to you and said that he wouldn’t leave before he saw you. Even said, ‘If the King thinks he is too busy to see me, then he will have hell to pay.’ I can tell him to leave if you don’t wanna talk to him, though.” said Shouta.

At the mention of ‘King’, Kageyama perked up and started to look around. “It’s alright, I’ll talk with him, where is he?”

As Shouta was showing Kageyama where to go, Konda tugged on Kageyama’s arm. “Do you need me to come with you? Are you really okay with talking with them? You usually don’t like talking with the press,” Konda whispered worriedly.

Kageyama honest to god smiled and said, “It’s fine, he doesn’t want an interview. He just doesn’t want to get me in trouble about missing warm-ups. Even if he does want an interview, I wouldn’t mind giving him one.” And with that, Kageyama jogged off the court towards a smirking blond bean pole. Throughout warm-ups, Konda kept an eye on the pair to make sure Kageyama wasn’t in any trouble, but it looked like the opposite was true. He even thought that he might have seen Kageyama laugh, but decided that it must have been an illusion. When it comes to volleyball, Kageyama’s focus is so intense that he expresses a max amount of five emotions. Kageyama only came back to the group when warm-ups were closing up. Konda saw Shouta watching the pair as well with a puzzled expression, but decided not to say anything until he brought it up himself.

~~~~

At their next practice match, the enigma that is Kageyama’s social life expanded as an oddly familiar-looking orange blur threw himself at the setter, knocking him down. Kageyama yelled at him as the rest of their teammates looked at one another to see if they should do something, but pretty soon, Kageyama was laughing, again, for the second time within a week. During volleyball. The orange shorty, whose name was apparently Dumbass, was berated by his coach for his behavior, but everyone could tell he wasn’t sorry and he would do it again if given the chance.

Glancing at Takero was both a mistake and a blessing since Konda could tell that nothing good would come from the sparkle in his eyes. Before he could do any permanent damage, Konda swiftly walked up to Takero and simply said, “No.”

“But-“

“No buts. Talk later. With no one around. And no scenes to be made.” Takero tried to open his mouth, but Konda cut him off again, “I mean it, Hitoshi. If you say one word about what I think you are going to before I give the okay, I won’t make that soba you wanted for your birthday. Don’t test me.”

“Oooooooo~ mom used your given name Take-chan~ you better listen or you’re-“ Konda’s glare cut Shouta off and both of the troublesome-duo quickly backed away before the wrath of Konda Arashi was unleashed.

Based off of Kageyama’s reaction to Hinata (whose name was discovered after the coach yelled at him to ‘Quit fucking around!’), Konda expected him to be off his game, but instead he appeared to be hyper focused. It also looked the setter was having the most fun he has had all season, which was hard to do, since Kageyama loved volleyball with every fiber of his being. Instead of being discouraged when the orange blur scored, Kageyama looked oddly proud, almost bittersweet. After the match was over, Konda had expected Kageyama to be exhausted to the point that he could barely stand due to his intensity in the game, but he was practically buzzing with anticipation. As soon as their coach dismissed them, Kageyama ran to the locker room, grabbed his stuff and left before anyone else had even stepped foot into the place. To say that his actions were concerning was an understatement, so before he went to the locker room himself, Konda looked around to check on the setter. At the sight of Kageyama kissing the orange shorty, Konda practically gave himself whiplash from turning around so fast. Now Konda remembered where he knew the orange ball from: it was Hinata _Shouyou_, the little giant. Also known as the guy with the ‘kissable face’ Kageyama was talking about.

“Yo Ko-cha- hey what’s wrong? Why are you blushing? Arashi-“

“I will end you if you say one more word and if you do not follow me.” And with that, Shouta followed Konda without another word.

~~~~

Konda thought that he might be able to get peace and quiet in his own home.

He was wrong.

“I’m telling you! He is dating the tall blond interviewer! Kageyama-kun doesn’t give reporters the time of day, but he missed a part of volleyball to talk to this one! He laughed for fuck’s sake, Take-chan!”

“He missed warm-ups Shouta it’s not like he stopped practice to talk to him. Knowing Kageyama, he was warmed up hours ago. I’m telling you that it’s the orange kid that we played against today! Did you see the way they were looking at each other!? They are obviously dating!”

“You guys-“

“Shouta, I would bet my life that those two are dating.”

“Well, I guess one of us is going to have to die then, because I bet my life, too!”

“Guys-“

“Just admit I’m right and fork over the 20 dollars, Shouta, don’t destroy your pride any further than it already is.”

“Bullshit! I have never had an ounce of pride in my life and you know it! I owe you nothing because I am right-”

“IF YOU BOTH DON’T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, I’M GOING TO THROW MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW!”

“Woah, Konda, no need to shout at us, jeez.”

“Yeah, Ko-chan that was really uncalled for.”

“Oh, so now you guys agree on something” said Konda while pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Wait! Ko-chan can settle this! Who do you think he is dating, Ko-chan?” asked Shouta.

“He’s obviously going to pick the blo-“

“Kageyama is dating both of them, you idiots,” sighed Konda.

“I- what,” said Takero.

“Kageyama is dating Hinata Shouyou, the orange guy Takero was rooting for, Tsukkishima Kei, the reporter Shouta was suggesting, and Yamaguchi Tadashi, whom neither of you have met because you were both blackout drunk when he came to pick up Kageyama from the bar. They are all dating each other. Now you can both shut up about it and I can finally move on with my life. The mystery is solved. Now please be quiet, I am exhausted.”

“…holy shit he wasn’t joking when he asked ‘which one’” Takero said breathlessly.

“How can we be sure that you aren’t lying Ko-chan? Or that you actually know this for a fact and not just speculating?”

Konda pulled out his phone and showed them his messages. As Takero read the messages out loud, Konda flung himself on the coach and covered his eyes as he tried to sleep.

Konda, [7:42]: so….Tadashi….. I have something personal to ask you…and you can totally ignore this if you want

Tadashi, [7:42]: won’t know if I’ll want to answer it till you ask, so go head :)

Konda, [7:42]: youre dating kageyama, right?

Tadashi, [7:43]: …..would that be an issue if I was.

Konda, [7:43]: settle down momma bear lol, there are no issues, I was just wondering

Tadashi, [7:43]: then yes I am

Konda, [7:43]: ok jeez now here comes the hard part

Konda, [7:43]: there is no easy way to put this

Tadashi, [7:43]: just rip the band aid off Arashi im not a child

Konda, [7:44]: ok, uh, are you aware that Kageyama, could possibly, maybe, be also dating Hinata Shouyou?

Konda, [7:44]: and maybe a tall ass blond reporter that looks like he would kill me if I looked at him the worng way?

Tadashi, [7:44]: ….and what if he is?

Konda, [7:45]: well if he talked to you about it and everyone knows then I don’t care. I just don’t want anyone to be hurt

Tadashi, [7:47]: while that was very sweet ara-chan, I do know that he is dating them

Tadashi, [7:47]: and they all know and consent too

Tadashi, [7:47]: in fact we are all dating each other

Tadashi, [7:47]: haha tsukki is going to love that description of him

Konda, [7:47]: holy shit that makes so much sense

Konda, [7:48]: tsukki?

Tadashi, [7:48]: tsukkishima? You have probably heard of him he is a big time sports critic

Konda, [7:48]: Tsukkishima Kei?!? holy shit I was right he could kill me if he wanted to at least my career

Konda, [7:48]: wait how does nobody know about you guys? Its hard enough hiding one boyfriend from the papers let alone three

Tadashi, [7:49]: oh Tsukki keeps them quiet. He has black mail on all of the major magazine companies that he uses to keep any stories out of the headlines

After that line, Konda, seemingly awaken from the dead, snatched his phone away from Takero and proceeded to lie back on the couch.

“Shit, that Tsukki guy is scary as fuck” said Takero.

“When did you and this guy get so close, Ko-chan? Didn’t you meet a couple of weeks ago?” sulked Shouta.

“Yeah, but we kept talking ever since he took Kageyama home from the bar,” shrugged Konda, “As the Mom Friends of our respective friend groups, we bond over how troublesome you children are. Don’t worry, Shouta, I couldn’t replace you guys.”

Pleased, Shouta moved onto business. “Well since we were both right, how about we call off the bet? I won’t owe you anything, and you won’t owe me anything.”

At the proposal, Takero seemed to be considering it before Konda interrupted. “Wrong again,” stated Konda from the couch, “neither of you were right: you didn’t have everyone he was dating. Plus, I was the one to find the only other boyfriend that no one else knew about. Therefore, I win. You both owe me $20.”

“WHAaaat?! That’s no fair, Ko-chan. You never said that you were playing to begin with.”

“Yeah, Shouta is right for once, plus why would we both….” As they both continued to bicker back and forth, Konda fell asleep with a smile on his face as they went back to their normal routine.

The satisfaction of winning didn’t hurt either.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I know this fic is hot garbage but ive held onto it for like a year and a half and im tired of looking at it soooo *flings it into the abyss* fetch  
I might rewrite some if the scenes later on if I ever find the energy but I probably wont ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
